another post.

started this blog awhile back.. feels like forever... well it should be,.

seeing this blog skin of mine makes me feel vague nostalgic..

alot to see and re-see.. wondering how all through did i become..

and wat eventuality has been derived of me.


here i am in front of one blaring screen.. writing as though i am watching the life of

my own through another... all through my life.. i have to say that i have many reasons

to not be unhappy... but somethings make me even more unhappy.. but this i shall leave

to divulge in some old sweet time should my spirits defect toward the nightly shade

once more...



from the darker side that reigned once.. comes the merryment that would cast it

aback.

its been so long since i lay word upon this parchment of my life... a seemingly

endless scroll that through one carve the very essence of living on, and plenty has happen..

a frenzy that rushes by. leaving my conciousness in relative sloth and so i am thankful.


well in recent times. alot has happened.. and alot i am waiting to happen..

one of my bestest buddy had her 21st birthday. and having known her for so long.. it seems only fitting to lay some tracks should i grow senile one day. so that i shall have a source to reminisce about..

haha


others are just my pinings and yearn. i have waited for even longer than i thought possible.

i met her by chance in june.. never have i thot i would carry on till now..

but i do dearly love her.. and i miss her dearly too.. hopes are mounting with each passing day that i would meet her and that we would be able to bask in each others presence.

i hope it be soon..

last published aug 11th

its another day.. its hard not to feel lonely even though i am constantly surrounded by pple.

colleagues at work... strangers packing me.. on the train.. and my family.. who is ever there.. and i am ever grateful for their being there for me..

but i still long and wish forher by my side... ever pondering and ever longing for that fateful day.. when the wait is over and the eventuality presents itself to me..
i would hold on.. teeth gritting.. awaiting the arrival of then.


lets see.. emotionally deprived in certain areas.. and not feeling all well.. that.. kinda summarises me today.. emotions.. have been pretty stagnant.. well as they say.. stability is key..

not feeling well.. cos of training for cd parade.. abt dehydrated.. and not rested.. so stomac is suffering abit.. at this moment..but the climax.. is not when i rush toilet.. nonono.. but it was lunch today..

its kinda strange.. cos my parents have always been into chinese food.. like chinese chinese.. dun even think of putting in a shred of modernity into it..kind of.. well if modernity blends in well no prob.. other than that.. well.. should we decide to dine.. the modern westerninse.. zen... health food style sushi bar would defintely be the last place my parents ever set foot in..

so big surprise when they decided to step into my humble house at the esplanade... i really loved the food anf the furnishing.. and the music..and the waitress..erm.. i menat their service.. hahh..bleah..

well.. its a spread that is fantastic.. and seeing my mum enjoying fusion food for the first time.. i was very happy..and alittle shock.. haha..

well imagine this. a side buffet of dessert salad and FOIE GRAS.. hahahaha

and a foray of other dishes made with such exquisite attention.. with a view of the singapore waterfront..marvelous..

after that a short walk round the esplanade..

and then.. home...

sleepy.. crash.

wat a day..

well its a couple of days mushes together to form this post..

sorry for the so many un-posts.. been serious busy.. with work..and sleep..

well sleep mostly.. haha

well ever since "work" started ... my biological clock has gone haywire..so o tend to be unable to fall asleep.. at first.. then i would stone.. and crash..

the next day.. i would sleep almost any where i can find basically..in the train.. the bus.. the store.. my chair at work..even on bar flooring.. haha

well its unavoidable i guess.. and at work.. when things get bad.. like busy.. it can be relaly heated.. nd being in customer service.. ain making it better.. but at elast it manageable..thanks alot to my senior and my boss..

well.. loads happened.. i almsot swallowed my tongue when i made a mistake during a solemn ceremony for national day... almost lost a chunk of the speech..hhahaha

well its due to bad hearing..hahah

well later the next day.. i was alsmot heaving to sleep.. cos i was so exhausted from not having enough rest.. to i gradually but surely dosed off into my dreams..
it was a moist sweet cloud that is all sweet and spicy.. a wiff would send you afloat towards to heavens... (try and figure this out yourself.. should be darn simple)

well one moment she was in my dreams.. and the next moment.. she rang me..(before the phone call she actaully smsed me.. all the way from korea..) and when i picked up.. i heard this unfamiliar clatter in the background.. which kinda made me more puzzled.. and then.. a voice called out my name in a way that it could on be her... hehehe

here she is..

well she rang me all the way from korea.. and it invigorated me.. i was like recharged instantly.. oh yes.. hahah

ad then.. we chatted up.. slow as it was .. she is the sweetest thing.. and so now.. its email.. msn.. sms.. and phone calls too.. though not very frequent.. but it makes it ever so special.. kinda festive even.. hehe

=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--==-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

another day.. well.. today actually. after a night of saying endless goodnites and deciding who should go offline first.. me and Sijin fianlly rested for the night.. and this morning i was to wake for a few appointments.. more like.. to be late..

cos i woke up and 11.. which is rare..maybe cos the dream was just so good..

then.. as my usual self.. i washed up.. grabbed watever was lying around.. and went out of the house.. to meet radha and peihua.. one for lunch the other for dinner. met up for a meal.. they were not however the meal.. (sorry/... bad sentence structuring)

well met radha.. she was waiting for me.. or the other way.. and then.. it was Haagen Daz for ice-cream.. then it was DISTURBIA.. shia lebouf is not bad.. although it seesm his roles so far has always been love sick teenager always smitten by some chick but forever with no balls to proper get hr out.. other than beyond normal circumstances..like being a "Wat do you call a male DAMSEL???" when he was reaching out sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard for his mail.. he desperately needed help..

hahha.. but in the end he gets the gal.. well.. duh...

but thestory is so awesome.. house arrest turns psycho homicide thriller.. altough it did smudge the image of carrie ann moss in my head.. still like her in matrix better....

then there after... we shopped around abit.. and then.. i met up with peihua.. shopping? well yah.. then met up with alot of familiar faces.. kinda freaked me out.. did not expect to be THIS small..bought a t shirt from river island.. for the beach sorts i think.. haven decided.. just tho it was the thorn among the bushes.. so i got it.. haha.. and plus it was on sale.. so yah..

followed by dinner.. which was at food republic.. which is really pretty good.. but 7 90 for laksa.. feels alittle cut throat..but piping hot..

and then.. alittle more walk.. and thats my day for now..


till i blog again..

flirtatious me..?

alot going through my brain right now..

so much so.. i need an exit.. that no one could provide ...
a lonesome corner of sorts...

the sort where you wish the whole world could relay the message to ones ears..
true hints.. as though a population of hints were flowing right through and the listener would pick out specifics.. nd catch the hint...

unfortunately however such subtlety does no exist...
and knowing it so blatantly kinda makes it harder for
one to find such avenues.

i have recently been twining into this gargantuan ball called love...

or in my sister's opinion.."not another one of your silly infatuations.. sigh..."

which could be so.. and it does seem alittle far fetched.. but the main difference is the response.. it ain a... i like you very much.. and then girls runs away like she sees a ghost scenario...

its when "i love you back" appears and suddenly.. i am on cloud "not sure howmany"

and then.. all the hestiations clear.. and i feel so gratified to be able to pronounce that the ambiguity has gone... but a long wait has just begun..

somehow one would think.. wat if.. thinks just fall through..with i thousand "no"s i hope it does not..

well.. just praying to whoever is the all powerful supreme being or otherwise who is somehow yoyo-oing with my fate string or seomthing.. please.. dun do this for too long..

and i miss her sooo much... i could almost not bear it.. not being able to see her.. but to always think of her.. and have images of her flashing by...

i just miss her..

deathbed memories..

deathbed memories..

sounds grim..

but its inevitable..a finite counter to the chapters to our lifes..

well melodramtically..it would be the surrounded by everyone and then you weep your hearts out..

but wat issit that would dwelve in your mind.. apart form the feeling of sadnes.. and being drenched by both the overwhelming tearing sensation cos its very infectious.. or blanket of melancholy..

i know to many out there.. they must be wondering.. ..

wat a topic to be done on Friday the 13th..

well my life i hope to be long and fruitful.. as does everyone..

but i fear i will live one with plenty of regrets..

for my 20 years i have plenty to regret.. things i probably would have forgotten when i die.. but should i go tomorrow.. touch wood.. but is not impossible..
i should feel i have owed too many too much..

for freinds who unconditonally stayed by me.. and provided me with company.. and air ..to breathe.. when home seems to squeeze me..

and also to fiends.. who gave me my occasional release of anger.. sorry if i can;t control it.. but releasing it feels so good.. albeit on inanimate objects..

but i regret neglecting.. my studies.. although i did not bear much liking for it..
i regretted being a moron at times.. sometimes i still am..
i regret missing so many opportunities life has presented me..


well lets hope it ends there...

and lets hope i live longer to make up for things..

deathbed memories.. this is to remind me about wat to write next time..

hmmm
dear me..

i love .. i miss.. and i dearly wish to be by her side..

but it would be a long gruelling wait.. omg..

but i still do like her..


시진

너무 보고 싶었어요

보고싶어

arghh

i dunnoe.. but i think my body is not goign to take it too well..

maybe will break in acouple of days.. acouple of loose screws.. wrecked joints..

who knows..

well look at it this way.. my week has been slammed.. think like everyday drying..so soon.. i should be able to snap and appear in a biscuit advertisement..

well.. its misery alot of times. OUCH... big time.. 시진 i haven't been toking to her.. sadly so.. cos she is busy.. and i am busy.. and i am stoned.. feeling dreadfully guilty.. it was soddingly horrid..

well just hope that we could have more time for gel-ing. Guess the hunch i had would soon materialize..sadly..

well being the turnip i am.. i think i am at least grateful that my life ain all empty.. but sometimes.. i really wish my life was a little more involved..
more like.. its full.. i am always doing something... but its just the meaning.. where am i heading... wat meant wat and who is to who to me.. etc...


well.. before this piece it becomes a suicide note.. lets lighten up..

lets see sculling for one.. massively difficult.. the coordination etc..

the balancing the scull.. massive stuff..

and then.. lets see.. its basically the same old same old from there..
think wake at 4 am work till 5 30 get home reach home at 7 ish 8.. and then..its dinner.. rest.. net.. some tv.. and snooze.. and it repeats it self..


if only i could lead a care free 24 hours.. siting on the deck of an itama 55 .. with two riedel flutes of old-time bollingers...and seating with love one in my arms. as we look out into the horizon.. into the faraway sun.. as it veils inself below the ocean blue..

then... we'll head to shore.. raise a small fire... have a small roast.. then we'll stay by the "hearth" for warmth.. as we lie back and look into the night sky.. hunting for stars...

and then the rest.. maybe pple who come across my blog can add to it.. hahha.. nights..