anticipation

I like to start my notes to you as if we're already in the middle of a conversation. I pretend that we're the oldest and dearest friends -- as opposed to what we actually are, people who don't know each other's names and met in a Chat Room where we both claimed we'd never been before.

What will he say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail.

the above is an abstract in you've got mail..(my favourite movie)..sorry but i happen to be a closet a romantic when it comes to movies.. (although i do watch other genres)...as the title of my blgo suggests .. this post is all about this lovely urge that we feel called "anticipation" its when you look forward to something with such anxiety you could hardly sleep well or in some cases catch a real bad flu.. haha

recent events have borught my anxiety level to a peak.. not that it does not happen.. just not so often.. and this time.. i am both anxious and worried.. cos its not about email.. but.. its about my life.. i am at the verge of tearing myself apart cos i have no prior knowledge in the context of the major thing in all romance movies.. love....

how an you be sure.. or rather.. how to do things right..i feel like a octopus disconnected from my own limbs and getting all tangled by themm... and recently i ahve asked if we should meet.. after much persuasion.. the answer was like okokok..i do not mean to doubt maybe its just me and my insecurity.. but.. how do you know.. if this is it... for real or something like that..

hear is another abstract that kinda tells you readers how i am feelin about now...


Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight, dear void.