Friday the 13th. 2017
It was suppose to be quite the grim day.
I met her..
Her Dimple.. Her cute pointy incisors.. pencil skirt.. halter top.. good English.. look great.. that sparkle in her smile.. the hearty laughs..
We met.. had a nice bite.. food really did not matter.. and in a way it got in the way.. then drinks.. and we had a nice bit till it's pass twelve and still we were unphased..
We had so much in common.. just wish it was real.. and that it will go on...
Sent her home.. and wished we'd taken a picture together...
wished I've kissed her good night...
wishing things could move on like this...
I want to hold on to her and never let go...
Friday, January 13, 2017
Sunday, January 24, 2016
omg.
| You Follow Your Heart |
 You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional. You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly. Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you. You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature. Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind |
regrets i have a few..
I really wish to tie it all up and toss it away.. but memories have a way of haunting use better than the poltergeist could.. and in some ways even more violently so.
Ever sat and read something, only to have it turn you into a wide eyed idiot consuming you as you consume it? Today was the day.
Dated this wonderful girl a long while back and she was wonderful.. and recently I saw her.. but I kept my distance. Figured that it was for the better.. and I guess it was. But my mind did not let go... it bugged me for a long time till this day. It's been a month since... still clawing at the back of my skull.
I really wish that she could move on and find someone better, which she mentioned was indeed.. good for her.. but I never expected things to get all bitter and taciturn, even in some instances downright nasty.
I feel like the worst version of myself today. Now more than ever.
I just wanted to do the right thing.. but I guess breaking up with someone rarely is. The hurt caused was unequivocal.. but I really wished it would heal.
I am not sure if these words ever cross your eyes at all.. but I'd just want to put it out there that I was sincerely wishing that we could end things amicably. My lack of confidence and ineptitude in handling the relationship was something that even I could not predict.. and the fact that you straggled on wordlessly made it alot worse.
I wished it was communicated more face to face than through the detour that is messaging.. but I knew if I could go back .. I would right the wrongs. Just that I can't.
For girls who think that guys let go and move on really quick, you are wrong. We all have our baggages.. whilst it would be unfair to say that of all men.. but I can say that I carry them for a long while and am still looking for means to drop them. You were on my mind all this while.. it has been 3 years.. and not a day passed without my guilt pricking me in my sides.. and my constant wondering of how you are doing or the antics and times we had. So when I msged and just wanted to wish you all the best.. I meant everyword.. because I know that I couldn't have done it .
I really really really really wish you all the happiness you deserve.
Still looking to drop you off ... Dearest Memory Mj.
Ever sat and read something, only to have it turn you into a wide eyed idiot consuming you as you consume it? Today was the day.
Dated this wonderful girl a long while back and she was wonderful.. and recently I saw her.. but I kept my distance. Figured that it was for the better.. and I guess it was. But my mind did not let go... it bugged me for a long time till this day. It's been a month since... still clawing at the back of my skull.
I really wish that she could move on and find someone better, which she mentioned was indeed.. good for her.. but I never expected things to get all bitter and taciturn, even in some instances downright nasty.
I feel like the worst version of myself today. Now more than ever.
I just wanted to do the right thing.. but I guess breaking up with someone rarely is. The hurt caused was unequivocal.. but I really wished it would heal.
I am not sure if these words ever cross your eyes at all.. but I'd just want to put it out there that I was sincerely wishing that we could end things amicably. My lack of confidence and ineptitude in handling the relationship was something that even I could not predict.. and the fact that you straggled on wordlessly made it alot worse.
I wished it was communicated more face to face than through the detour that is messaging.. but I knew if I could go back .. I would right the wrongs. Just that I can't.
For girls who think that guys let go and move on really quick, you are wrong. We all have our baggages.. whilst it would be unfair to say that of all men.. but I can say that I carry them for a long while and am still looking for means to drop them. You were on my mind all this while.. it has been 3 years.. and not a day passed without my guilt pricking me in my sides.. and my constant wondering of how you are doing or the antics and times we had. So when I msged and just wanted to wish you all the best.. I meant everyword.. because I know that I couldn't have done it .
I really really really really wish you all the happiness you deserve.
Still looking to drop you off ... Dearest Memory Mj.
Sunday, November 08, 2015
drink
You are just a sweet chapter past.. A future I've wished for but will never be...
You were the lonesome soul with eyes that could see right through me.. And intimidate me too.
Fearful somewhat, but the adoration was real.. Coursed on a few years .. And pushed to the back of my skull you lay.. Until the day came when we met once more..
Sexy, proud, inked and tempting.. I found myself seduce but one has to be civil.. Knowing you were attached was not exactly unexpecteD.. But was the hope of something else smothered that brought a light tinge of surrender..
You've suffered in it.. And I hoped for your release.. For your sake.. I daren't hope for more..
Things got better and we got closer.. Like pals we became.. I'd never forget the meetings we had.. Like the time we made soup adnd your kimchi'ed egg combo.. Eye opening seem to be a common theme.
There after you found another.. We walked by the unsureties and finally it came to fruition.. Envy reared it's head once more.. Only to have it's brows soothed.. For it may have never been meant to be..
So as friends we still met up as.. And bosom buddies I wish we'd me. My sorely tempted side aside.. I was truly a wishing to be a bosom friend, your confidante...
Having seen you in all your wonder.. The shock has flattened out.. And I inch back to normality.. Until the night of drunken stupor drew me closer than ever..
The yearning smothed renewed and your tresses flowed.. Precious porcelain beneath my fingers.. Drawing blades like oars on still water.. I drank you in.. Only to be stabbed by the shock of reality...
You're but a distant star from another galaxy.. And I've been blessed by your glow...
Henceforth driven apart.. I hope and pray for the time we'd be close again..
Your confidante.. Your friend..
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Emotional baggages.. how does one shed them.. If it were physical.. one would simply toss them over the veranda or into a torrential river and let the frothy white water tear it to shreds and flush it into oblivion.
In all our lives, the seemingly endlessness of all the garbage we have been fed and all the gunk we have to swallow is made only less bearable by the passage of time.. Either the length of which one has to tolerate it.. or the fact that we had to pass it not being able to do anything about it.
29 this year.. and what was first take with seeming non-chalance.. has recently taken a turn for the worse.. slipping in to the dark side is a seeming obvious option that one does not really need to try to get into. It seems staying single might have really been a better idea, and then it dawned on the basic scenarios that play out or have been playing out all my life. Singlehood while bearable has always been a mixture.. a suspension that is dotted with anecdotes of days gone by.. where relationships came to fruition and that somehow imploded or fell through one's fingers like catching smoke.
She was someone I'd have gladly sold my soul to. long story short.. it may be a forgone conclusion.. but like grains of sand that dribbles from the desperate grasps of man.. it ebbs beyond one's control.. this prolonged yearning but loss has lead to moments when one is barely in halfs in anything. It seemed that I was perhaps not fated for that thing that I was looking for. Just someone who would be able to live with me and that I would want as much as she would want me.. I guess that is it.. a cruel game that has been laid upon us.. that disgustingly improbable probability where one is to find that other half.. When actually it was really just that other whole that would make me feel less like the only one on this planet.
Many would protest about the other items in ones life.. like the love from one's parents or the prospects of better work progress in one's life.. however.. nothing gives more gratification that the embrace and spiritual tether by one to another. I dare say.. even a hundred million dollars would pale in comparison once the novelty wore off.. and I think it will.. even if it took a few years to set in.
I felt like I ran a marathon in my head all day.. chasing after this seemingly endless pipedream. Should I persist and try to inch my fingers to hers.. trace her silhouette in the air.. reminisce the smell that is her hair.. the twinkle in her smile.. the depth of her eyes.. the air of cool that drives me to madness and aww.
Think hamlet got it right those many years ago.. to be..or..
In all our lives, the seemingly endlessness of all the garbage we have been fed and all the gunk we have to swallow is made only less bearable by the passage of time.. Either the length of which one has to tolerate it.. or the fact that we had to pass it not being able to do anything about it.
29 this year.. and what was first take with seeming non-chalance.. has recently taken a turn for the worse.. slipping in to the dark side is a seeming obvious option that one does not really need to try to get into. It seems staying single might have really been a better idea, and then it dawned on the basic scenarios that play out or have been playing out all my life. Singlehood while bearable has always been a mixture.. a suspension that is dotted with anecdotes of days gone by.. where relationships came to fruition and that somehow imploded or fell through one's fingers like catching smoke.
She was someone I'd have gladly sold my soul to. long story short.. it may be a forgone conclusion.. but like grains of sand that dribbles from the desperate grasps of man.. it ebbs beyond one's control.. this prolonged yearning but loss has lead to moments when one is barely in halfs in anything. It seemed that I was perhaps not fated for that thing that I was looking for. Just someone who would be able to live with me and that I would want as much as she would want me.. I guess that is it.. a cruel game that has been laid upon us.. that disgustingly improbable probability where one is to find that other half.. When actually it was really just that other whole that would make me feel less like the only one on this planet.
Many would protest about the other items in ones life.. like the love from one's parents or the prospects of better work progress in one's life.. however.. nothing gives more gratification that the embrace and spiritual tether by one to another. I dare say.. even a hundred million dollars would pale in comparison once the novelty wore off.. and I think it will.. even if it took a few years to set in.
I felt like I ran a marathon in my head all day.. chasing after this seemingly endless pipedream. Should I persist and try to inch my fingers to hers.. trace her silhouette in the air.. reminisce the smell that is her hair.. the twinkle in her smile.. the depth of her eyes.. the air of cool that drives me to madness and aww.
Think hamlet got it right those many years ago.. to be..or..
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
It was a mess... probably still is..
There is A, B and C.
C likes A but A hasn't been responsive much..
and after a long while, C decided that since A was not responding he should try elsewhere.
Sort of hit it off with B.
Moral dilemma 101.. its just too complicated..
how does one solve such things.. time for some brainstorm to de-tangle the noodle.
btw frd said,
at the end of the say, it depends on the kind of rs you both are having.
if she has no plan to b with you then what are you going to do about it.
if she likes you enough or at least willing to try then she would have long been with you.
think valentines day anyhow spend with pple de meh?
in the end you have to think bout what exactly are u being responsble for.
Then some heffalump with a donut for a brain becide to drop and "urgent" matter and the resolution was something that required so many pirouettes I think ever margot fonteyn would puke.
Like that I am able to do stuff.. and that the skill is applicable.. but the appreciation.. and the structure here kinda sucks.. OMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOMOMOMOMMOMOMoOo.
Scrubbing through my brain.. think somethings need to be thrashed out.. others just trashed..
Wish life would be alittle lighter and the road ahead.. brighter, straighter..
Think a getaway is in order.. but on the other hand.. one should save up for the stuff in life that matters.. it is yet another dilemma.. wtf..
There is A, B and C.
C likes A but A hasn't been responsive much..
and after a long while, C decided that since A was not responding he should try elsewhere.
Sort of hit it off with B.
Moral dilemma 101.. its just too complicated..
how does one solve such things.. time for some brainstorm to de-tangle the noodle.
btw frd said,
at the end of the say, it depends on the kind of rs you both are having.
if she has no plan to b with you then what are you going to do about it.
if she likes you enough or at least willing to try then she would have long been with you.
think valentines day anyhow spend with pple de meh?
in the end you have to think bout what exactly are u being responsble for.
Then some heffalump with a donut for a brain becide to drop and "urgent" matter and the resolution was something that required so many pirouettes I think ever margot fonteyn would puke.
Like that I am able to do stuff.. and that the skill is applicable.. but the appreciation.. and the structure here kinda sucks.. OMOMOMMOMOMOMOMOMOMOOMOMOMOMMOMOMoOo.
Scrubbing through my brain.. think somethings need to be thrashed out.. others just trashed..
Wish life would be alittle lighter and the road ahead.. brighter, straighter..
Think a getaway is in order.. but on the other hand.. one should save up for the stuff in life that matters.. it is yet another dilemma.. wtf..
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Whiplash..
So much love in the movie.. the irrational rationale of a being so extraordinary that it brings about childhood memories of many. Less extreme perhaps.. but every so relevant. In the Singaporean context, perhaps army boys.. In school, not unlike that perversely pedantic English teacher who reign supreme and induces feverish shudders as the deadline for assignments drew near.
He once gave me a few words that i feel mirrors this quite succinctly. "Give your garden water in the form of sweat." nothing lyrical, just in a just simile for me to guide myself when I have graduated and am away from this "torment".
The movie grabs my pupils and reigned them in. A mental tug-o-war that was won over the moment Terence Fletcher collapsed upon the peaceful symphony and "demolished" my preconceptions based on the earlier reviews. This piece driven in part by what was seen, more by what has been heard and more so even by the memories of that one demonic mentor who sort not only to raise us to standards.. but also spring us beyond. Not sure if you can see this but I hope this reaches you somehow.
To that English Teacher, I hold in my mind forever, momentary bursts of mild contempt as I look upon my younger foolish self but always with the holding gaze of awe and a standing ovation from afar.
So much love in the movie.. the irrational rationale of a being so extraordinary that it brings about childhood memories of many. Less extreme perhaps.. but every so relevant. In the Singaporean context, perhaps army boys.. In school, not unlike that perversely pedantic English teacher who reign supreme and induces feverish shudders as the deadline for assignments drew near.
He once gave me a few words that i feel mirrors this quite succinctly. "Give your garden water in the form of sweat." nothing lyrical, just in a just simile for me to guide myself when I have graduated and am away from this "torment".
The movie grabs my pupils and reigned them in. A mental tug-o-war that was won over the moment Terence Fletcher collapsed upon the peaceful symphony and "demolished" my preconceptions based on the earlier reviews. This piece driven in part by what was seen, more by what has been heard and more so even by the memories of that one demonic mentor who sort not only to raise us to standards.. but also spring us beyond. Not sure if you can see this but I hope this reaches you somehow.
To that English Teacher, I hold in my mind forever, momentary bursts of mild contempt as I look upon my younger foolish self but always with the holding gaze of awe and a standing ovation from afar.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Leverage..
From the depths of my despair comes the heavy steps toward liberation.
dressed up and readying to head out to escape from the stifling gasps of disappointment.
The further from home.. the better it seems to feel... but the feeling never truly goes away.
And then.. the sky opened.. leaving me all blown about and wondering if i'll be in at all the right shape to turn up for the launch.
Luckily .. a lady came in from her grocery shopping .. IN A CAB!! oh the blessing...
but the fare, coupled with the torrential downpour and skittish cab driver, was downright scary at 24 bucks..
considering the fact that its a distance i cycle to and fro often.
It was a congratulations and some standing around.. then comes a flash of amazing purple...
All that i got was a name and a picture from a monkey.. it was salvation type conversation with one of understands and reciprocates while delivering novelty in the conversation like never before. Yes its a girl and No its not a crush.. but its nice to have someone to speak to since most of the persons there were mingling and speaking to themselves..
Hope very much to meet that person again.. and on top of that... more person like that.. :P
dressed up and readying to head out to escape from the stifling gasps of disappointment.
The further from home.. the better it seems to feel... but the feeling never truly goes away.
And then.. the sky opened.. leaving me all blown about and wondering if i'll be in at all the right shape to turn up for the launch.
Luckily .. a lady came in from her grocery shopping .. IN A CAB!! oh the blessing...
but the fare, coupled with the torrential downpour and skittish cab driver, was downright scary at 24 bucks..
considering the fact that its a distance i cycle to and fro often.
It was a congratulations and some standing around.. then comes a flash of amazing purple...
All that i got was a name and a picture from a monkey.. it was salvation type conversation with one of understands and reciprocates while delivering novelty in the conversation like never before. Yes its a girl and No its not a crush.. but its nice to have someone to speak to since most of the persons there were mingling and speaking to themselves..
Hope very much to meet that person again.. and on top of that... more person like that.. :P
Friday, August 16, 2013
Judged by my mistakes..
Fucking annoying.. did wrong but accidental.. a weak defense i know.. yet here i am judged by my parents... when the young in the family commits an error.. i moved in to stop.. only to realise that i haven the credentials to judge or act on what i believe to be right.. in the corner of my eye lies the incessant judgement that marks me as a felon in the family ... something that i dun think any amount of atonement will correct or redeem myself.. but i find the mark unjust and i long for a void of escape.. yet that be my very weakness.. always moving away from situations that i dun want to be in? am i to ride this through to forge myself? to wrought myself upon an unfortunate anvil... or steer clear to get my own space?
Casting this out into a void.. something that has been on my mind since the longest time..
I want my own life.. my own space.. my own ride.. my own time.. not dictated by any...
Casting this out into a void.. something that has been on my mind since the longest time..
I want my own life.. my own space.. my own ride.. my own time.. not dictated by any...
Thursday, August 15, 2013
400th..
修得浮生，半日閒
今天是我感恩的一天
健康，家庭，愛情，人生
雖有未足之處，但無不激之處
感謝這個能讓我片刻休息，以比常人慢的腳細看生活。
我發現了我生活中的幸福。
尤其在近日里所發生的林林種種的不易.
父母對我的寬恕。女友對我的耐心。姐姐們的關懷。
讓我走一道我想走的路.
只希望我永遠知足
這路上曲折，多虧有了他們。
修得浮生，半日閒
今天是我感恩的一天
健康，家庭，愛情，人生
雖有未足之處，但無不激之處
感謝這個能讓我片刻休息，以比常人慢的腳細看生活。
我發現了我生活中的幸福。
尤其在近日里所發生的林林種種的不易.
父母對我的寬恕。女友對我的耐心。姐姐們的關懷。
讓我走一道我想走的路.
只希望我永遠知足
這路上曲折，多虧有了他們。
修得浮生，半日閒
Sunday, August 11, 2013
I feel useless and redundant total.. like a waste of space in every facet of my life.. that all my choices in life has been made up of wrong choices.. a worthless entity that is better swept into the ocean or a landfill.. In a society that does not accommodate mistakes.. i guess i'm the epitome of one.. made up of many others.. from the beginning of my life till present.. i've done more to take my life apart than put it together..
I've always wanted to be greater than the sum of my parts.. but i cannot please everybody.. yet it seems to be all i've ever done.. this stretch culminated in todays occurance..Its a heavy day .. reprimands.. warnings... harsh cold words.. like shards of ice puncture me... or whats left of me..
i wish i were someone more accomplished.. who does less wrong.. who doesn;t vex those about him.. but what should i do.. i've got nothing left.. like a bellow with no wind.. outspoken me.. knowing stuff.. doesnt count for anything anymore.. all i am now.. is but am empty shell. The confidence i've never had is now but a clammering void.. what was nothing is now negative.. there are things i'd boldly try.. but with mistakes and the many cruel jabs of fate comes the closure on that spirit
must i be a limp git perpetually reminded of the idea of normality and the need to conform and put myself in the best light.. but that is tiring and without direction.. it just serves to make me even more loss as i try to please all and in the end screw myself over..
i feel like an idiot.. 1h hits 2cs.. and being reminded over and over how useless ive been.. i dunnoe what to do anymore.. the wish to tide and time to calm things seem not to work for me.. in a time where the spirits wish not for my success.. but my demise.. i feel exhausted from the trials and long for nothing more than peace and quiet... for a life that deals me no extremes.. were all is linear.. this is but a fools dream.. but i feel something that i need .. for everyone's life is one that i seem to fail at it over and over again..
I've always wanted to be greater than the sum of my parts.. but i cannot please everybody.. yet it seems to be all i've ever done.. this stretch culminated in todays occurance..Its a heavy day .. reprimands.. warnings... harsh cold words.. like shards of ice puncture me... or whats left of me..
i wish i were someone more accomplished.. who does less wrong.. who doesn;t vex those about him.. but what should i do.. i've got nothing left.. like a bellow with no wind.. outspoken me.. knowing stuff.. doesnt count for anything anymore.. all i am now.. is but am empty shell. The confidence i've never had is now but a clammering void.. what was nothing is now negative.. there are things i'd boldly try.. but with mistakes and the many cruel jabs of fate comes the closure on that spirit
must i be a limp git perpetually reminded of the idea of normality and the need to conform and put myself in the best light.. but that is tiring and without direction.. it just serves to make me even more loss as i try to please all and in the end screw myself over..
i feel like an idiot.. 1h hits 2cs.. and being reminded over and over how useless ive been.. i dunnoe what to do anymore.. the wish to tide and time to calm things seem not to work for me.. in a time where the spirits wish not for my success.. but my demise.. i feel exhausted from the trials and long for nothing more than peace and quiet... for a life that deals me no extremes.. were all is linear.. this is but a fools dream.. but i feel something that i need .. for everyone's life is one that i seem to fail at it over and over again..
Monday, November 12, 2012
regrets...
I wish i could turn back time really teally.. either to change my decision or to not have met her at all.. all through she was it.. filling my mind.. dibilating my body.. driving me nuts.. and then i did the inconceivably stupid thing and let go.. i hate my self so much that i know that if i were to leave the world tomorrow or write a will .. her name would be in it.. thinking about her leave me in gasps and wishful moments of wonder.. seeing her was pure torment.. seeing that she is to wed left me lost for words..
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Sunday, December 04, 2011
how did i find you.
of all the people that i've met in my lifetime.. there are so many that wisp pass me without me knowing.. yet some clinch to the back of my head like i've got dart markings on it.. and some even manage a bullseye..
in all this.. all i see is fear... fear that i might falter again.. fear that i might make a mistake.. fear that i might make the wrong choice.. fear of hurting others if i need to leave ..
what if if doesn;t work out
what if i can;t provide for her
what if i she falls for someone else.
what if i fall for someone else
what if she doesn;t love me like i do her.
what if she's the sort who eats man for a living
what if she's a serial killer
what if she;s godzilla reincarnated..
okok.. you get the point.
sometimes i think i dun belong .. its almost infuriating..
in all this.. all i see is fear... fear that i might falter again.. fear that i might make a mistake.. fear that i might make the wrong choice.. fear of hurting others if i need to leave ..
what if if doesn;t work out
what if i can;t provide for her
what if i she falls for someone else.
what if i fall for someone else
what if she doesn;t love me like i do her.
what if she's the sort who eats man for a living
what if she's a serial killer
what if she;s godzilla reincarnated..
okok.. you get the point.
sometimes i think i dun belong .. its almost infuriating..
Saturday, December 03, 2011
splinter / thorn
it drives one to his insensibilities.. everything is a weird concoction of conflicting components..
the more i drive at it.. the more it binds and blinds.. the noose tightens round my mind
feels not unlike a thorny branch... plunged deep within.. it hurts to keep it in.. death ensues if pulled out..
what seems like cupids arrow is really a poison tipped barb fates cruel spear..
innocuous plunges that have since become torrents of cruel stabs.. feeling drain.. deprived.. thirst but not for drink.. hunger but not for food.. an endless wander where the lifting and landing of steps seems driven not by need of a destination .. but the need to occupy the mind with a droning repetition while flood my eyes with scenery only to find them blind to all but the image in my mind..
the more i drive at it.. the more it binds and blinds.. the noose tightens round my mind
feels not unlike a thorny branch... plunged deep within.. it hurts to keep it in.. death ensues if pulled out..
what seems like cupids arrow is really a poison tipped barb fates cruel spear..
innocuous plunges that have since become torrents of cruel stabs.. feeling drain.. deprived.. thirst but not for drink.. hunger but not for food.. an endless wander where the lifting and landing of steps seems driven not by need of a destination .. but the need to occupy the mind with a droning repetition while flood my eyes with scenery only to find them blind to all but the image in my mind..
Monday, September 14, 2009
blows the dust off and put the sheets off..
I'm back and anew.. well almost..
i seem to be dragging so much of me behind..
i wish i have a clean slate to begin on.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
It kinda was three years ago.. well soon to be... i thot it ended.. it did not..
she's still waiting.. all this time.. i thot time as always served to wash and wear off the effects of that fateful acquaintance.
Ok.. btw.. i AM watching "serendipity" if you dunnow wat that is.. i guess you prob won't get the rest of this.
All this while.. in her absence.. i missed... i missed... ... i missed her...
Everyday i reminisce... drives me while and gives me the energy which i ride out.. day after day..
and then the day came when i decided that the lack of communication and the holding on to this mirage is going to ultimately do me in.. hence i sent a mail out to her ... ...
i decided that it'd brilliant to move on...
did not work out.. couple months down... she messaged me...
"I missed you" three words that blew my mind like a freaking mind grenade....
until recently .. she says she's been waiting for me... and the fact that i'm affected is saying plenty about how much i miss her too.
yet i know its not possible...
----------------------------------------------------------_-----------------------------------
when i thot all was over .. i decided to move on....
then i got to know this beauteous.. the one person that seems to be on the same track as me..
similar thots.. sophisticated..cute.. smart.. bakes well..
imaginative...sweet.. she's got the cutest voice.. artsy...
all in all i want her..
and just about 3 days ago.. a message came..
now my mind is a ball of gunk...
save me..
i seem to be dragging so much of me behind..
i wish i have a clean slate to begin on.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
It kinda was three years ago.. well soon to be... i thot it ended.. it did not..
she's still waiting.. all this time.. i thot time as always served to wash and wear off the effects of that fateful acquaintance.
Ok.. btw.. i AM watching "serendipity" if you dunnow wat that is.. i guess you prob won't get the rest of this.
All this while.. in her absence.. i missed... i missed... ... i missed her...
Everyday i reminisce... drives me while and gives me the energy which i ride out.. day after day..
and then the day came when i decided that the lack of communication and the holding on to this mirage is going to ultimately do me in.. hence i sent a mail out to her ... ...
i decided that it'd brilliant to move on...
did not work out.. couple months down... she messaged me...
"I missed you" three words that blew my mind like a freaking mind grenade....
until recently .. she says she's been waiting for me... and the fact that i'm affected is saying plenty about how much i miss her too.
yet i know its not possible...
----------------------------------------------------------_-----------------------------------
when i thot all was over .. i decided to move on....
then i got to know this beauteous.. the one person that seems to be on the same track as me..
similar thots.. sophisticated..cute.. smart.. bakes well..
imaginative...sweet.. she's got the cutest voice.. artsy...
all in all i want her..
and just about 3 days ago.. a message came..
now my mind is a ball of gunk...
save me..
Sunday, May 17, 2009
this is the closest thing to crazy that i've ever known
to go really crazy would be unthinkable. a state i know could be attained if i hadn't control. so restrain i must till you return. the craze shall pass and in all loveliness for your beauty and charm i'll yearn..
yearn
misplaced...mishapened...in darkness I harkened...I chased the promise of your glow.. and a wisp of light, i boldly follow... the sinewy trails fall lay by fate... so fragile and frail it lay in wait... for the day shall come when you've returned... that i shall more than ever.. for you i yearn..
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
HZ
i miss her lips already.. and its only for that transient moment.. capture in frames.. as years of wanting surge through us.. and motioned my fingers through her silky tresses.. my vision blurred.. my senses heightened.. hands trace down her back.. a heck to the world around.. devoid of any sound..for i think for once that wat i wanted to find was found...
paper and charcoal..
i wish there was someone who would teach me how to draw.. there is a picture i wish to translate in coal.. as photographs jsut seems too harsh.. - i used to think that photography is a hand that i never had..having never been able to will a pencil in my claw of hand... i searched for the tool and thot i found.. today i found it empty.. i wish to lay down some lines...and trace the very silhouette my mind has etched
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
something that made me come back and blog about.
was suppose to meet alicia for dinner today at holland village.. and i arrived a tad earlier.. so i sat in at starbucks sipping on coffee and munching quiche..
well holland v being wat it is..is filled to the brim with university students hence not exactly short on feminine beauty.. well it wasn;t exactly wat i had in mind.. but it was a nice place to pple watch..
came across especially this gal.. who has had a tattoo done.. and it was quite well done if i might say so..
upon her back was written in typewriter font or something to that effect.and wat was scribed was "ëverything is illuminated" it kinda hit me like a dear friend of mine who uses "edify" in her email add.. either case its pretty much a smack in the face.. a moments enlightenment.. an awakening.. and an utter delight..
well having been a fan of good skin body art.. it was just jaw droppingly good..its just a pity i haven my camera to take a picture to show it to you guys..
the thing is its so sublimely brilliant..just a straight line across.. no cursive.. no twirls.. just the simple old font.. this is its being put alittle off centered.. with the "is" in the sentence nestling just on the ridge which is the vertebrae..
combine that with the lbd number that the girl was wearing. with those slender shoulder straps framing her flawless back with that teaser of a tattoo...
if possible i'd love to have her pose in the soft genteel lights of the setting sun.. an image to remember...
well holland v being wat it is..is filled to the brim with university students hence not exactly short on feminine beauty.. well it wasn;t exactly wat i had in mind.. but it was a nice place to pple watch..
came across especially this gal.. who has had a tattoo done.. and it was quite well done if i might say so..
upon her back was written in typewriter font or something to that effect.and wat was scribed was "ëverything is illuminated" it kinda hit me like a dear friend of mine who uses "edify" in her email add.. either case its pretty much a smack in the face.. a moments enlightenment.. an awakening.. and an utter delight..
well having been a fan of good skin body art.. it was just jaw droppingly good..its just a pity i haven my camera to take a picture to show it to you guys..
the thing is its so sublimely brilliant..just a straight line across.. no cursive.. no twirls.. just the simple old font.. this is its being put alittle off centered.. with the "is" in the sentence nestling just on the ridge which is the vertebrae..
combine that with the lbd number that the girl was wearing. with those slender shoulder straps framing her flawless back with that teaser of a tattoo...
if possible i'd love to have her pose in the soft genteel lights of the setting sun.. an image to remember...
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