I feel useless and redundant total.. like a waste of space in every facet of my life.. that all my choices in life has been made up of wrong choices.. a worthless entity that is better swept into the ocean or a landfill.. In a society that does not accommodate mistakes.. i guess i'm the epitome of one.. made up of many others.. from the beginning of my life till present.. i've done more to take my life apart than put it together..

I've always wanted to be greater than the sum of my parts.. but i cannot please everybody.. yet it seems to be all i've ever done.. this stretch culminated in todays occurance..Its a heavy day .. reprimands.. warnings... harsh cold words.. like shards of ice puncture me... or whats left of me..

i wish i were someone more accomplished.. who does less wrong.. who doesn;t vex those about him.. but what should i do.. i've got nothing left.. like a bellow with no wind.. outspoken me.. knowing stuff.. doesnt count for anything anymore.. all i am now.. is but am empty shell. The confidence i've never had is now but a clammering void.. what was nothing is now negative.. there are things i'd boldly try.. but with mistakes and the many cruel jabs of fate comes the closure on that spirit

must i be a limp git perpetually reminded of the idea of normality and the need to conform and put myself in the best light.. but that is tiring and without direction.. it just serves to make me even more loss as i try to please all and in the end screw myself over..

i feel like an idiot.. 1h hits 2cs.. and being reminded over and over how useless ive been.. i dunnoe what to do anymore.. the wish to tide and time to calm things seem not to work for me.. in a time where the spirits wish not for my success.. but my demise.. i feel exhausted from the trials and long for nothing more than peace and quiet... for a life that deals me no extremes.. were all is linear.. this is but a fools dream.. but i feel something that i need .. for everyone's life is one that i seem to fail at it over and over again..