like today.. well a couple of days..my mum suggested changing the sideboard.. so she got it swapped out.but the old one she held back instead of gettgin the contractor to ship it out.. but she kept it. and for a couple of say she was deliberating wat to do with it.. and i was like.. ok...
just keep me out of it..
then.. she decides she wants to cut it up.. so being a son.. i helped.. but my word.. after that.. it did not work out.. she kinda demanded that i ship it out of the house.. all i did was tell her to hold on for a while.. and next thing you knoe.. she throws this piss fit about em not caring about the house.. about condescending the very existence of the house..(i just blamed it on menopause
) but fuck it.. its like.. too much of it.. i am human too.. and you aren the only one with a bloody temper.. i have a temper much worse and i have to put up with this??
ever thot of our stand.. i donot disrespect the house we live in.. or my parents.. but a stretch is a stretch.. so dun get too far..
i love my family but i just am not the sort that huddels with family.. we can share jokes and laugh.. but i need and want my private space alot.. call it selfish.. but with a world that has alot more freedom than me.. i kinda need this to keep me sane..
(in a calmer mood)
another thign.. is the pursuit of love..i met this dream... well more like some one saw my dreams and casted a mould..and form that mould came this person.. who just fits the job description( like there is one) .. and she is Sijin.. someone whom i met by accident. and incidentally and infatuation and now a relationship.which is alot more straight forward then anything else in this part of the world.. and incredible becase i am not the sweetest darling around.. and i am pretty much ERIK by gaston leroux.. so to have her.. i feel more than thankful for. but whenever my spirits soar and every sight sound of her. the feelings of reality hold me back even more.. i long more and more for her touch.. for her sweet mouthings .. for us to speak face to face.. for us to face life eventually.. hopefully..
but as if reality is not hard anuff.. i have parents who are kinda cajolling at the wrong time.. you know when you have this dream that you know is possible.. but in your parents eyes you just seem like a toad calwing it way out of a tank... they jsut smirk and tell you "you go boy..." like it helps.. and its worse when i am serious.. it makes me feel i am crazy.. and maybe i am.. but wanting to flyover to meet with one whom i know not when i would meet again issit insane? or is holding on to something for months on end.. with a tinge fo sustenance worth it...i have been waitin for about half a year..and i intend to wait more..should i?
i think i want to.. i know i want to.. and i know i am going to. but a relationship is not all me..its also her... will she wait.. and even if she does.. issit fair for her? its no longer like in 14th century england where you have george bernard shaw and mrs patrick campbell where you all just write to each other all your lifes.. i am not sure this is enuff.
no matter how we correspond... the eventuality is that we have to arrive at some point for an absolution..or else.. it would be just an idea with nothign concrete..
i wish to fly to korea and see her... its not like i am asking my parents to sponsor my trip?
i know my education is important.. but i am serving blardy national fucking service..which leaves me sitting duck..
so wat education are you tok ing about..
and going there for a few days.. its a absolution of sorts fr me.. but to my parents it s a joke..
just need to vent this.. dunnoe how long i can hold this..
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