flirtatious me..?

alot going through my brain right now..

so much so.. i need an exit.. that no one could provide ...
a lonesome corner of sorts...

the sort where you wish the whole world could relay the message to ones ears..
true hints.. as though a population of hints were flowing right through and the listener would pick out specifics.. nd catch the hint...

unfortunately however such subtlety does no exist...
and knowing it so blatantly kinda makes it harder for
one to find such avenues.

i have recently been twining into this gargantuan ball called love...

or in my sister's opinion.."not another one of your silly infatuations.. sigh..."

which could be so.. and it does seem alittle far fetched.. but the main difference is the response.. it ain a... i like you very much.. and then girls runs away like she sees a ghost scenario...

its when "i love you back" appears and suddenly.. i am on cloud "not sure howmany"

and then.. all the hestiations clear.. and i feel so gratified to be able to pronounce that the ambiguity has gone... but a long wait has just begun..

somehow one would think.. wat if.. thinks just fall through..with i thousand "no"s i hope it does not..

well.. just praying to whoever is the all powerful supreme being or otherwise who is somehow yoyo-oing with my fate string or seomthing.. please.. dun do this for too long..

and i miss her sooo much... i could almost not bear it.. not being able to see her.. but to always think of her.. and have images of her flashing by...

i just miss her..

deathbed memories..

deathbed memories..

sounds grim..

but its inevitable..a finite counter to the chapters to our lifes..

well melodramtically..it would be the surrounded by everyone and then you weep your hearts out..

but wat issit that would dwelve in your mind.. apart form the feeling of sadnes.. and being drenched by both the overwhelming tearing sensation cos its very infectious.. or blanket of melancholy..

i know to many out there.. they must be wondering.. ..

wat a topic to be done on Friday the 13th..

well my life i hope to be long and fruitful.. as does everyone..

but i fear i will live one with plenty of regrets..

for my 20 years i have plenty to regret.. things i probably would have forgotten when i die.. but should i go tomorrow.. touch wood.. but is not impossible..
i should feel i have owed too many too much..

for freinds who unconditonally stayed by me.. and provided me with company.. and air ..to breathe.. when home seems to squeeze me..

and also to fiends.. who gave me my occasional release of anger.. sorry if i can;t control it.. but releasing it feels so good.. albeit on inanimate objects..

but i regret neglecting.. my studies.. although i did not bear much liking for it..
i regretted being a moron at times.. sometimes i still am..
i regret missing so many opportunities life has presented me..


well lets hope it ends there...

and lets hope i live longer to make up for things..

deathbed memories.. this is to remind me about wat to write next time..

hmmm
dear me..

i love .. i miss.. and i dearly wish to be by her side..

but it would be a long gruelling wait.. omg..

but i still do like her..


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arghh

i dunnoe.. but i think my body is not goign to take it too well..

maybe will break in acouple of days.. acouple of loose screws.. wrecked joints..

who knows..

well look at it this way.. my week has been slammed.. think like everyday drying..so soon.. i should be able to snap and appear in a biscuit advertisement..

well.. its misery alot of times. OUCH... big time.. 시진 i haven't been toking to her.. sadly so.. cos she is busy.. and i am busy.. and i am stoned.. feeling dreadfully guilty.. it was soddingly horrid..

well just hope that we could have more time for gel-ing. Guess the hunch i had would soon materialize..sadly..

well being the turnip i am.. i think i am at least grateful that my life ain all empty.. but sometimes.. i really wish my life was a little more involved..
more like.. its full.. i am always doing something... but its just the meaning.. where am i heading... wat meant wat and who is to who to me.. etc...


well.. before this piece it becomes a suicide note.. lets lighten up..

lets see sculling for one.. massively difficult.. the coordination etc..

the balancing the scull.. massive stuff..

and then.. lets see.. its basically the same old same old from there..
think wake at 4 am work till 5 30 get home reach home at 7 ish 8.. and then..its dinner.. rest.. net.. some tv.. and snooze.. and it repeats it self..


if only i could lead a care free 24 hours.. siting on the deck of an itama 55 .. with two riedel flutes of old-time bollingers...and seating with love one in my arms. as we look out into the horizon.. into the faraway sun.. as it veils inself below the ocean blue..

then... we'll head to shore.. raise a small fire... have a small roast.. then we'll stay by the "hearth" for warmth.. as we lie back and look into the night sky.. hunting for stars...

and then the rest.. maybe pple who come across my blog can add to it.. hahha.. nights..