how did i find you.

of all the people that i've met in my lifetime.. there are so many that wisp pass me without me knowing.. yet some clinch to the back of my head like i've got dart markings on it.. and some even manage a bullseye..

in all this.. all i see is fear... fear that i might falter again.. fear that i might make a mistake.. fear that i might make the wrong choice.. fear of hurting others if i need to leave ..

what if if doesn;t work out
what if i can;t provide for her
what if i she falls for someone else.
what if i fall for someone else
what if she doesn;t love me like i do her.
what if she's the sort who eats man for a living
what if she's a serial killer
what if she;s godzilla reincarnated..

okok.. you get the point.

sometimes i think i dun belong .. its almost infuriating..

splinter / thorn

it drives one to his insensibilities.. everything is a weird concoction of conflicting components..

the more i drive at it.. the more it binds and blinds.. the noose tightens round my mind

feels not unlike a thorny branch... plunged deep within.. it hurts to keep it in.. death ensues if pulled out..

what seems like cupids arrow is really a poison tipped barb fates cruel spear..



innocuous plunges that have since become torrents of cruel stabs.. feeling drain.. deprived.. thirst but not for drink.. hunger but not for food.. an endless wander where the lifting and landing of steps seems driven not by need of a destination .. but the need to occupy the mind with a droning repetition while flood my eyes with scenery only to find them blind to all but the image in my mind..